Dear Flex Tape, You and Flex Paste, your sister product, have shouted yourselves into my numbed consciousness between cable news segments about the country coming apart at the seams. According to your ads, you can patch, protect, and plaster anything. Who can resist that kind of promise on a planet that is barely keeping it together? So I’m wondering if you could please consider holding our Constitution together as it frays and unravels? Can you spackle the cracks in the Senate and reinforce the spines of our creaky leaders? Is there a Flex Tape that could help the center of our national psyche hold? Because, no lie, most days our psyche doesn’t even want to get out of bed. And how about adding a personal product line that would waterproof my pillow when I shed lonely tears? Or maybe a Flex Paste that will help me keep a stiff upper lip and seal my house against Covid as tightly as a Secret Service vehicle. Dear Flex Tape, in a time when everyone I know needs a little bonding and a lot of relationship repair, you might be our last, best hope. XOXO Nikki
