Yes, I know, it’s Medicare enrollment time! How could I miss it given the near-constant confusing ads from private companies urging me to use their services to get a better deal? It was barely endurable when it was just Joe Namath smirking and shilling, but now Meredith Viera has caved and touts a slicker version of a competing plan. But at least, she’s not Joan London. Every time her ad comes on, I text my kids to ask them to sign a notarized affidavit stating they won’t send me to A Place for Mom. I know Ice-T barely qualifies as a senior, but his CarShield spots make me feel that it’s only a matter of time before my car turns on me. Even revered West Wing President Martin Sheen is popping up in drugstore aisles like a benevolent Jiminy Cricket on speed to rant about prescription drug prices for SingleCare. But I can’t leave out the king of cable ads, Tom Selleck. Like a cut-rate Gary Cooper, he sternly assures me that this is not his first rodeo when it comes to reverse mortgages. Over and over and over. His ubiquity is the tv equivalent of a 24/7 leaf blower. I know that it’s almost impossible for older people to find work (congratulations on the side hustle, folks), but your scripts only serve to remind me of my own mortality (and my car’s). In other words, Senior Spokesters, your ads seem focused on people at the end of the road who still have enough money to gouge out of them while their cars are still running. I go through a mini existential crisis every time one comes on, and sad questions flood my mind. What is the meaning of life? Is this all there is? Will Medicare enrollment ever end? Is it really too early to start drinking? XOXO Nikki
